The hassled medical student

Not many tortures and rapturous delights of life juxtapose with the rich variety and depth of acquaintance, the agonies and dangers shared by medical students in their voyage of evolution from unrefined school kids to accomplished doctors in their swan-like white-coat exaltation. During the initial overwhelming exhilaration of qualifying for a premier medical college, most fresh enthusiasts do not comprehend that they are asking for grievous injury to their dura mater. The selection process filters exceptional students used to be the toppers in their school, and brings them as equals in Medical College on a common platform. So the brainy one in the elementary school becomes just one of the guys in the anatomy hall! Thus, begins the medical student's tedious and uphill sojourn, where small achievements are few and far between and kudos and appreciations a rara avis.

                  Throughout the 5 tough years in a Medical College confusions amid disagreements plague him. Hardly has he acclimatized to the feeling of achievement at having made it to the medical college that he has to contend with failure and get used to the idea of flunking, supplementary exams and more flunking. Considering the resilience and toughness peculiar to his breed, the medical student adapts readily to the changed scenario. He learns to grin and bear it all- the cadaveric gloom of the dissection table, the soporific lassitude of biochemical reactions and their kaleidoscopic colors over the spirit lamp; the slimy frogs and black drums of physiology lab that leave him with debilitated spirits, questioning what he ever did to earn all this! He clutches at strings nevertheless, and tutors himself to cross the first obstructions of medical life and starts the conceptual coup d’etat with disease.

The mind of the miserable medical student is an arena of emotions where he desires enviously to be like non medical students as they rejoice the spring of their lives, while he struggles with bacteria and viruses, drug pharmacokinetics and dynamics, forensic perversions and delinquency. He learns to, mix carminative mixtures and rabbit ileum, stretch his imagination in the microscopic world of vague and ambiguous life-forms and scrutinize the bizarre architecture of pathological specimens.

No less disturbing is the student’s reconnaissance into the clinical battlefield and hospital wards. All his extravagant hallucinations regarding the magnanimity of his chosen profession languish like waves on the shores of reality. On one hand he is deluged with theoretical facts, while on the other, he is increasingly crippled by the futility of his inadequate tools in the face of human suffering. As all the presumptions of his adolescent naiveté and candor disappear like dew in the cacophonous blaze of the real world, his immature psyche grapples to keep step with savior faire, extravagant knowledge and graying experience of life.

As he struggles with his own miserable adulthood, academic chauvinists wait at every step to annihilate his enthusiasm. He comes face to face with internal disagreement: ‘How in the world can dedicate his own life, to bulwark life, if the excitement for life itself is dead within him? How can he safeguard life, if the passion within him is gone?’ Under siege from foes of his unwavering spirit, the medical student learns to camouflage his enthusiasm but keeps his fire burning from inside, never extinguished, his determination bruised but never crushed. Skillfully like a ballet dancer, he dances his way through the labyrinth of gargantuan egos, where stalwarts await their prey with tentacles spread.

As the rest of humanity understands life in its gory and glory after the sixth decade, we as  potential doctors perceive and testify it before we turns twenty-five. For all the brave and valiant doctors trying to interpret the mess and marvel of human existence, this tribute goes out from an ex-medical student and teacher to the present medical student and potential healer - Just hang in there!

You are always where I am

"I look out and see you there

In the glorious sun so gay…

there in the park across the way,

you distract me, bother me everywhere,

you are always where I am... 

I dream to be with you there,

 on that golden sand under our feet

 under low moon with a rhythmic beat

In the morning delight we would meet

that starry night you promised me here

but then I realise you are always where I am.... 

You call me your distraction.

For you am I but just an attraction?

I think you are my destination

But why it casts an unknown fear

 and why do I have this solitary tear

when I know you are always where I am…

Domestic abuse – Badge of Shame? Based on true events

“In remembrance of the victims of domestic abuse who on the wings of eagles soar to the heavens in the arms of God”        

You punched holes through my heart,

Ripped  my soul and tore it apart.

Fists that bruised me inside and out,

My trust you took away to rot.

Wasn’t I your so radiant bride?

Why did you steal away my pride?

Leaving me imprisoned in every tear,

These fists are what you made me fear.

Now when you wonder why I no longer care,

Look at your hands, the answer is there.

        Written and contributed by a victim of domestic violence.

A friend called. Weeping bitterly! Her sister, Rafiqa, was admitted in the hospital and could I have a look at her? Badly beaten by her husband, her body bruised all over, her spleen ruptured and three teeth broken, she was immediately taken to the theatre for emergency surgery. The year was 2007. Two years later Rafiqa died. They called it suicide. I knew better. She died of shattered dreams and the shame of being beaten and battered in front of her children. Modern culture may see it as a disgrace, for a man to be labeled as an abuser but the fact remains we underestimate how wedded our culture is to domestic violence. Statistics show that a woman is battered every 15 seconds by someone who promised to love and cherish her and be with her, “till death do us part”. Even more frightening is the fact that scores of women die everyday of abuse and one in every four women who commit suicide are actually victims of spousal abuse. Think about it in real life terms: Imagine that one in four of your women friend, or relative or neighbour is a potential victim, being beaten or threatened. Upsetting, Isn’t it? And this is just the tip of the iceberg. The reality is much uglier and far nastier than meets the eye.

Apart from physical abuse which leaves broken bones, bruised flesh and spilled blood, the emotional abuse caused by unseen punches and invisible jabs can cause deeper scars to the woman abused. She is demeaned, demoralized, disgraced and degraded. Her self esteem plummeted to rock bottom; she is stripped, to the very core, off her self esteem and pride.

The big question here is; who gave these men the carte blanche to abuse women? Is it the blue print they are handed over as soon as they are born- the blue print which says you are a man and you are superior? When you start trying to figure out what makes these men tick, you enter realms so foreign to normal experience that you are taken aback.  Imagine the horror of discovering that your dream man is actually a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – a nice, charming, caring man in public but an angry, domineering, abuser at home. Same was the case with Shireen (name changed). Like so many abused women, she walked on egg shells for years. “Why does Prince Charming change into a terrifying beast as soon as the honeymoon is over?” A well educated female working as a Lecturer in a Degree college, Shireen faced 10 years of violence- violence in which she lost every shred of her being. She reluctantly recalls the day when her husband beat her to the pulp, so much so that she could not lift her head and had blood pouring down her face. That was the last straw for her. She mustered up the courage to finally leave him because staying would mean sure death since the beatings and abuses were getting uglier by the day. “It starts with a scream, often silent but deafening. It is the sound of dreams being shattered like glass and fear that is so real, it can make you feel there is nothing left inside of you, not even your heart.” She says.  

However, Shireen, who now lives with her parents, won't show you her scars. She is determined that survivors should not glamorize their wounds. “Self pity can be as addicting as any drug”.

What is the solution though? Ultimately, what will make the difference? When will every part of the community; clerics, law enforcement agencies, responds and holds batterers accountable for what they're doing?  We must become a world of people who understand this kind of violence. Batterers deserve stiff penalties for perpetrating domestic violence — a crime that feeds on fear, shatters lives, and keeps communities in denial. It's not somebody else's problem or someone else's responsibility. It's mine and it's yours and its time to act.

PS: There is not a single shelter or home for victims of domestic violence in Kashmir and no one has ever thought of making one either! Most of the victims suffer because they have no support system and nowhere to go. Left with no alternative they submit to their fate, commit suicide or get killed!

(Dr. Rubina Lone is Assistant Professor Department of Microbiology at SKIMS Medical College and can be reached at rubynask@gmail.com)

Pay and get paid

“Many men stumble across the truth ... but most manage to pick themselves up and continue as if nothing had happened.” Winston S Churchill

When I applied for my driver's license, I learned that I had a choice. Either I could take the test, fail and then pay a bribe for a license, or I could bypass the test and simply pay the official a bribe and receive my license. Judging from the standard of driving in here, I would say that most of us chose the latter course.

      Everything is legal  in Kashmir as long as one doesn’t get caught. And the good news for corrupt guys out here is that nobody ever gets caught.  All  know what is happening behind the closed doors, but no one feels the need to blow the whistle. Why? Because we understand nothing is going to change. On the contrary you might be the one to get punished. Corruption here is as much a tradition as the winter Harisa – A must have! In our offices there is more greasing going on under the table than in a red light area.  If the new building is having trouble passing a Municipality rule, the chief there might find a new Ford Icon in the driveway and the problem is solved.

            Corruption is present in many forms, namely political corruption, bribery, trading of influence, graft and undue patronage. Other forms include nepotism and cronyism, electoral and voter fraud, embezzlement, kickbacks, unholy alliances, tax doggeries and tender rigging. In our setup, corruption is not only an offshoot of collapsed social and governmental institutions, nor is it just the result of a hostile economic environment. The roots go much deeper and are symptomatic of the gradual but residual breakdown of our societal values and morality. It is the result of our failure to distinguish right from wrong, and of a collective refusal to condemn dishonesty. It reflects the wrenching reality of a city of shame. This stems from the fact that from a peon to the top echelon, this predatory organism has eaten away our integrity and bit each and every stratum of people.

              We are a society full of people with no scruples. Most of us go on a rampage and binge on endless quantities of lucre, trying to milk out everything and anything to the best of our abilities. All rationales crumble in the face of our greed as we are determined to rip off at all costs. We have become just mini-me effigies of our heroes who are at the helm of the affairs in higher authority - the central government administrators.

              Of course it is much easier to condemn corrupt practices than to actually eradicate them. But we can start by enforcing the many laws that already exist to fight the kickback culture. We can also use motivational techniques to rectify the apparent lack of civic duty among those guiding the workforce. And, of course, promote leadership at all levels of society that actually set a positive example worth following. From our streets to the Ministers, from individual families to big organisations to the communities, transparency must be nurtured and groomed because it is corruption’s worst enemy and, therefore, the most effective tool in fighting it. 

           Corruption is in the soil, and pruning the stray branches won’t get the job done.  So to eradicate corruption, one must tackle both the givers and the takers. Egregiously corrupt, high-profile, public figures and institutions must be singled out for harsh treatment and thus demonstrate that no one is above the law. The strengthening of institutions is of critical importance including the police, the courts, the tax authorities and the media which must be subjected to a massive overhaul. It most probably would entail the replacement of most of the current, irredeemably corrupt personnel. But to believe that we can fix it completely and get it out of our blood would be unrealistic unless there is an attempt of moral revolution to destroy the quagmire in which we are stuck in today.

Dr. Rubina Lone is Assistant Professor Department of Microbiology at SKIMS Medical College and can be reached at rubynask@gmail.com

Gender biases

Male chauvinism

 “I have given the best of myself and the best work of my life to help obtain political freedom for women, knowing that upon this rests the hope not only for the freedom of men but of the onward civilization of the world” – Mary. S. Anthony.

“Did you ever feel gender discrimination in your professional life”? asked the anchor of a television show to one of the female participants. Superfluous question! Of course she did, but then every woman does. Isn’t it an axiom rather than an exception, happening everywhere and to all of us? A stark and recent example of sexism is Hina Rabani Khar, Foreign Minister from Pakistan, who visited India and was judged according to the clothes and bags she adorned, thereby belittling what she stood for intellectually. And there you have it, despite the emancipation of women in the West, there has not been a single woman President in the United States yet – what can be more telling! Sexism is a mindset that has the potential of affecting practically every aspect of women’s lives, preventing them from accomplishing their full potential.

 Picture this: As the plane reached cruising speed, the captain's voice crackled to welcome us aboard and give us details about the flight ahead. Almost immediately the guy next to me began to shift nervously in his seat. Not because we were being told of impending turbulence or being given giddy-making statistics about our altitude and speed. What unsettled him was the voice coming over the loud speaker. Our captain was a woman. With a female pilot at the helm, some immediately made comment about women drivers.  

Why do men get instant bruises in head the moment any woman tries to match her shoulders with them?  Why it takes the wind out of their sails as soon as they realise women are no more show pieces to adorn the world, but are walking neck to neck with them? Why they feel fathoms deep in troubled waters every time a smart woman comes near them?  As k them, and they deny it vehemently.

To gets a man’s perspective on this, I asked one male colleague, “Why are Kashmiri men such chauvinists.” His clichéd reply, “We are just more protective towards our women, not MCP’s”.

Protective! A place where the female to male ratio has hit the absolute pits, where every 1 in 4 women is a victim of domestic violence, where women are regarded as unfit when they are unable to bring forth male children -  I would hardly call that protective.   

While social constructionalists argue that men and women are essentially same and roles played by them are largely constructed by society, the essentialists suggest that the differences are biological. What ever the out come of the debate, the fact remains that in this patriarchal world, women get an inferior status.  Discriminations and biases are hidden by a veneer of non-existence in the more advanced countries. Conversely, lesser advanced a society, the more visible and obvious are the manifestations in which gender biases prevail and predominate.

. In a world full of male chauvinists, muscling your way is not easy. We as women face many a glitches, be it home or the work place. Albeit we walk with our head held high designating ourselves socially and culturally toned to 21st century but the reality isn’t parallel. Rousseau's observation that men are born free, yet everywhere they are in chains, is an apt description for condition of women in our society.

We are rich in allegories that dishonour women. So the question is how riveting are talks about liberation of women and equality for women today? Many people support the diaphanous talk that role of women within the society has changed, more women work than even before & most of them have careers. I call it diaphanous, because as far as I can see it is just talk – flimsy, airy and gossamer thin. Gender equality is still the toughest battle we are fighting and things will not change overnight. A thorough change in the mindset of people is the most required solution to give equal and respectable opportunity for women.  That being said, until this generation takes flight, for the womenfolk in God’s own country, it is still a long road to independence.

Dr. Rubina Lone is Assistant Professor, SKIMS Medical College.

Email: rubynask@gmail.com